A Smokers Ettiquette...

I'm a smoker me. A tar-lovin', Nicotine devouring, Roach abusing motherfucker.

If you're reading this then statistically speaking you know of my love of Nicotiana tabacum as much as you know any other aspect of my good self, i have a beard, i like bitches, Whiskey is a close companion, daylight is something to be abored...and i fucking love Cigarettes.

Understandably so, Smoking is an addictive thing. Pretty much like anything thats great in life, if you like it you do it as often as possible and tell the consequences to go suck a shit. A pink lung is a wasted one right?

So i like smoking y'see and what i'm finding increasingly in my ever-fluctuating social circle of reprobates is that these kids don't like it as much as i do. I mean everyones a smoker when it fucking matters, whether dick or Lambert & Butler Superkings, when you need one you do anything to get that taste.

"I'll give you a £1 for a fag mate", "Lend us a fag and i'll get you a pint", "My half-horse/half-woman sister will totally blow you for two's..." i've pretty much heard it all...
However, the most annoying phrase in smoking history for me is "Have you got a spare fag?".

Seriously, A Spare-Fucking-Fag? Yes you nimrod, because when i buy a pack with my hard-earned cash i make sure to specifically label one lucky little cancer-bringer as "For the Cunt that can't be arsed to either A) Buy their own death-facilitators or B) Isn't prepared enough to buy an appropriate amount of cigarettes for their needs in that specific period of time/intoxication"

I like my smokers coughing up a lung in the morning, cursing the moment they first took that sweet sweet taste of Nicotine and fucked everything up. I like my smokers chaining the little beautiful bastards over a good film till their insides look like a fucked up LSD episode of Art Attack. I like my smokers on the toilet with a book and not a care for the potential damage to the environment a mass outlet of CO2 will cause because they're too engrossed with On the Road.

So you conscious playing motherfuckers, just because my moral side says "Yes, encourage these people to attain Death earlier, then maybe they will stop asking you for Cigarettes" i say, get some ettiquette and prepare yourselves. Buy enough for your filthy habit and stop fucking with mine.