10 Top Annoying Things To Say To A Bartender

1) "Can i have a pint of lager?"

No dip-shit, you cannot. As you can clearly see this bar contains multiple lagers, all of which have very different fucking names. The companies that own these particular beverages pay satans-offspring (Also known as the most evil organisms in the known universe aka Marketing Bastards) ridiculous amounts of money to imbed in your ameoba-like-sponge you call a brain, the name and brand of their particular alcoholic-liquid.

They even have these little things called adverts. You might see these things on that little black box in the corner of your room that glows brightly, on football teams shirts and right before your eyes from the pump that i won't be pouring your pint from.

In these mystical things called adverts the marketing organisms (i refuse to acknowledge that they are part of the human race) use anything from sex, lad culture to "Arty" references to gleam your goldfish level of attention to their product so you will buy buy buy! Honestly, its not fucking difficult. Even children watch these things and know what they want.

So until you learn to ask for things by name, preferably with a please or a thankyou and without beckoning me over like a dog thats just shat on your favourite sofa, the only thing you're gonna get is a look of indignation and a dry mouth.